That day

When I think of that night I wish he had spoke to me more. I wish he had told me how bad he was feeling. I remember that day, that night, that moment so well. I will never forget the feelings I had that day. It started out just as every other day. I had just had a baby. She was three months old and was doing all the things babies do at that age. I had a twenty month old son. My older son was eight and my oldest daughter was seven. We woke up and rushed the kids off to school. We lived in Minnesota and it was still cold in April. There was still snow on the grown but not the pretty snow. All of that had gone. It was dirty and grey. every night the street cleaners would come by and push all the snow to the side of the road. I remember thinking to myself the snow will be taller than me soon if the weather does not break. I had never seen so much snow. I said to Ken that morning how quickly he adapted to all the snow. Ken was born and raised in Jamaica. HE had never seen snow. He had only been in America a year. He and I had many argument about him moving to the U.S. He never wanted to. He never wanted people to think he wanted people to think he was with me for a green card. However, with each child I found it harder to travel back and forth. I wanted to stay put. the older kids were in school so my time in Jamaica was limited. I wanted my husband full time. I Loved being with him. I told him when I was pregnant with my youngest son He needed to move here or we would have no marriage. We filled out forms for him to travel the next week.
That morning Ken call of from work. I was so upset with him. I loved doing my own thing during the day. He was only going to get in my way I thought. He would sit all day and listen to this old country music. I swear I used to hate the stuff at first but after hearing it everyday for over a year. I began to like it. I even new all the words. But that day it irritated me to no end. With every depressing lyric, with each country twang, and every off key note; I became angry. As I sit and try to remember why I was angry I can not remember; but I remember the feeling. We played with my son for a little while and went to sleep. If any dad loved their son He did. He would dance him to sleep. Give him baths and spend as much time with him as he could. He was a GREAT father.
"Ken", I said, " Why are you home today?" He just looked at me for a while. Then he told me he hated America. He told me he did not want to raise his kids here anymore. This was the day after the Columbine thing. He said 'The children here are crazy. You work very hard t get a better life but do not enjoy it. The food is not fresh. It is out of a can or a box. The meat was not fresh. It was Nasty. he said he only ate to live. I want to finish my house in Jamaica and move back home.' I looked at him and was puzzled. How could you NOT like America. I thought. You lived in Jamaica almost 40 years and didn't have a pot to piss in. Did not own anything but the clothes on your back. never earned more that what amounts to MAYBE $300 a week and you don't like it. How is that I thought. Here we do not wash out clothes out by hand. I do not have to wait for you to kill a chicken to eat it. I can open a can or a box to fix anything I want. I can use a dish washer, I clothes washer, A dryer, There were no lizards..... But I didn't say any of that I didn't say a words. I held it all in because I knew deep down his life was simple there and he loved that. I mean really That is what I loved about him. HE was simple. He was a good man. Nothing fancy about him. He was always clean and always smelled good. He loved to fix things. If you gave him a piece of wood he could make anything with it. So I knew deep down all the things I had been used to, All the things that were important to me; were not important to him. He missed his life. I had taken him away from all of that. How could I tell him no. I turned to him and said,' How long will it take to finish the house. When do you want to leave. What do we need to do to make this happen." He said I Will need to go home to do everything. this means I will be away from you for a few months. The house wont be done completely but I will do enough for us to live. I will have at least two bedrooms. a kitchen, a sitting room and a bathroom." I said OK What ever you need I am with you.' He turned to me and told me something I will never forget. HE said THANK YOU!! I remember feeling so happy inside. All my anger I felt that day went away. He said Thank you for being my wife. I love you. You gave me beautiful children and made a good life for us here. I cannot ask for anything more. I didn't care why he was thanking me I was just happy he did. Many times we do things and never get a thank you and we feel used or unimportant. At that moment I felt at peace. I knew this man loved me and was grateful for all the hard work I did to get him to America. For all the hard work I had done to make our home nice for him. I didn't care that he was giving it all up. I didn't care that he was didn't like living in the U.S. All I felt was happiness. He turned to me and I kissed him. I told him I loved him and I told him Thank you. I said,' You are a good man. I am so lucky to have you in my life. You gave me great kids. You love them. You provide for us. You take care of your mom. You make me feel loved. HE smiled and said well don't forget that tonight when I want some loving. I smiled and asked him what he wanted for dinner. He smiled and said YOU.