That night

The children arrived home from school and went on about their normal routine. They ate a snack, did their homework and looked at t.v. They were very surprised and happy to see their dad home. He talked to them for a while and then we talked about dinner. I asked him again what he wanted for dinner. I told him if it is up to me we will have leftovers. HE said, OK its up to you leftovers it is. I took out the food and started to heat it up.Ken had gone back to listening to his country music. However, this time he was singing along. He rarely did this. At first it was nice to hear him sing. He was sitting on the sofa with our youngest son on his lap and was singing to him. The sight of that is a memory I will never forget. I had not had a hands on dad. HE was a oh lets buy you ice cream kind of dad. A lets just do things to keep you busy type of dad. HE never played games with me, sang me to sleep. rocked me to sleep, fed me food off his plate, and he definitely never sang to me. Ken however, did all these things and more. HE tried his bast to be a great dad to all of my children. Even the one that was not his.
Jonathan was a handful. Ken never really complained about him but he would say if he was in Jamaica he would not get away with all of his actions. I didn't think that way because when he was in Jamaica he acted the same way. Although Jonathan loved Jamaica he liked being in the outdoors. He loved helping the older men, it made him feel useful. I think alot about what our life would be like if Ken had lived and we had indeed all moved to Jamaica. I wonder if Jonathan's life would have been better. The events of this night would change him forever.
I lost track of time and ended up burning the food. I decided to buy KFC and stop at the store on the way. I went along doing my thing at the store. I was feeling good about being out of the house. I had been copped up a long time. After I had my daughter I was back in the hospital because I had gotten an infection. I had a hard time walking because I had gotten a hernia while I was int he hospital. I was just getting back to being myself. Alone time was a blessed time for any new mom. I was not going to rush back home. NO way. I was taking my time and loving every second I was away. I had no idea of events that were taking place while I was shopping.
As soon as I walked in the door I knew something had happened. No one greeted me at the door. The kids were in there room. The house was quiet. I took the bags in the kitchen and started to fix their plates. As soon as my oldest daughter saw me she started to blab...that is her favorite past times , getting others in trouble. She told me she and Jonathan had gotten into an agreement. I look at her as to say so whats new. She then tells me Ken hollered at Jonathan. Now this shocked me. Not because I didn't want Ken yelling at my kids. It was because he did. Ken NEVER yelled about anything. I am probably one of the only people in the world that had never gotten into an argument with their spouse. Don't get me wrong we had many many disagreements, but we never argued. He never yelled. He would always talking to me with that Jamaican accent and make it all sound good. I knew Jonathan had done something terrible. I know he had gone way overboard. but for some reason Lia had left out the why. I looked at my son and asked him what did he do. He started off telling me what Lia had done to make him angry. I really didn't care about that part. I listened to his words.I had heard them all before so to me it sounded like .bla, blah blah.that is until he said the word Jaleel. My eyes almost popped out of my head. I said you did what. He looked at me and froze. HE could not speak he was frozen in time. I went into the bedroom. Jaleel, my son, Ken, and the baby were all on the bed. I told Jaleel to go eat and I asked ken what happened. He didn't answer me right away. He was singing this old country song. I snapped. This song was not one of the ones he played around the house. It was more depressing, it was sad, it made me think of dying. I said to him ina loud voice Why are you singing this stuff around my babies. They do not need to hear this. He looked at me and said I just want to go home. I don't feel well. He went into the bathroom and began to vomit.
Yuck, I thought. I wanted to get out of the room. I would come ask him what happened later. I get the kids fed and off to bed. Jaleel and the baby always slept with me. I was nursing the baby and Jaleel was not quite ready to give up his old spot next to his dad to his sister just yet. I was not in a rush to get them out anyway. I loved having a family bed. I still do to this day.
Ken took a shower and I had all the kids asleep. I finally got a reply to what had happened while I was gone. Jonathan and Lia had gotten into an argument. Like i said nothing new their. But this time Jonathan got so angry he picked up Jaleel along with the toy he was riding and threw him at his siter. Ken went into the room as soon as he herd they yelling and the crying. I sat there in disbelief. How could Jonathan do that. How could he have that much anger in him. How could he try to just my babies. I wanted to find answers. I wanted to know what doctor I was going to take him to in the morning. I looked through the authorised doctor list I was given with my insurance and looked under mental health. I looked for a woman and thought I am calling her in the morning. I am heart broken. Ken, however, was in the mood for love. He started touching me. I looked at him and thought what the hell is wrong with you. Our kids could have been killed, broken a bone, we are about to have child welfare all up inhere case anything you do they always blame you. Your the parents. They will think Jonathan sees Us fight and argue . I was thinking about all these things. He was thinking about sex. I never in the whole time were we together refuse Ken sex. He was Jamaican and trust me what they say is true about Jamaican men. However this night I said no. I told him my mind is too full and I am not in the mood nor am I goign to get in the mood. He said well you better figure out how to fix that son of yours. MY SON!!!! he had never said that. Now he was My son. OK fair enough He was mine and this was my body and he was not going to touch it for a long time. i thought to myself. I went to bed. Ken got up a few times during the night to vomit. I heard it but was not fully awake. He did however wake me up to ask me for a cup of tea. I was angry. I knew the baby was goign to wake me up soon to feed her. Was he goign to stay up with her, No I would and he has the nerve to want tea. I didn't want to but I did I got him his tea. I went back to sleep when the baby woke me up Ken was up too. Again he was in the bathroom. I asked what he ate to get him so sick. He told me nothing he must have some flu or something. I stayed up with him for a while. It was after three and I was begininging to worry. He came out the bathroom for the last time.